Valentine's day is round the corner. I would like to remember her-my friend, the friendship with whom turned unforgettable. Below are my thoughts that I wrote down couple of years before in her memory...
“Beauty lies in the eyes of beholder.” This proverb came true to my life in the form of a friendship that existed between me and an innocent, loving, cute little buddy named K. K, a name that I had never forgotten in my life reentered into my psyche, a couple of months ago. The earlier K I knew was K Dahal, in the companionship of which I grew and learned the first alphabets. The attraction with an opposite sex for me, started with the sight of that cute lady in those memorable childhood days, in the canopy of lush green forests and rugged terrain- in Nundhaki
The other K I knew was a Mongolian lady who led me to my first classes in a Boarding School-BKVM, holding my hands, making myself burst into embarrassment, for I had traveled to the city from a remote semi-inhabited Hilly region, in the form of a typical Nepali guy that had rarely seen the hustle and bustle of towns and cities, and to be held with hands by a girl in front of other students made me feel awkward. It felt like a decade before she willfully detached from me. These two Ks played an influential role in my life from the very outset. So, the name-K had been my favorite names among others. I often had a conception that everyone whose name happened to be K, is adoring, innocent and beautiful, fanatically driving myself to enter into their thoughts to curb my loneliness.
The third K has been the most memorable personality; friendship with whom is soon going to end, may be like other Ks. Sometimes I wonder if relationships are just like flickering lights of candle! But, as far as my conscience says, one should do the thing that he thinks the best-As a matter of fact, a wearer best knows where the shoes pinches. The first impression I had when I saw this girl was normal. There was nothing in her to attract me in the initial days and I had never reckoned that our friendship would conquer the pinnacle. There are so many incidents involving both of us. When K comes to my mind, I can never forget the way she behaves with me. The starting days are worth mentioning, but the thing is that every single minute I passed with her are enough to fill pages. I used to shower her with projectiles of humiliations and disgraceful comments about her in the initial days. I even went to the extent of saying her, a lump of coal for; she had a moderately fair complexion. I had to go Putalisadak to teach but soon I felt that I was going there more to share few moments worth cherishing. I often tagged her with an embodiment of “Pass Time” as it was in my perception that girls are not the creatures to put into ones mind as long as one is sane enough to think right from wrong.
Memorizing some of the incidents, the first thing that strikes my mind is the day when I ignorantly showed her a video which I had never thought even in my wildest imaginations that I would share it with a lady. Browsing through the folders, I saw a video which when played brought tsunami to the serene environment. She screamed like anything and I surprisingly gazed her and towards the monitor. The moment I did so, I burst into embarrassment and indignity. It was not in my philosophy to reveal the inner secrets that a sane person feels shame to think of, not to mention the incident that involves a lady, a friend. Later I apologized her for the blunder by text messaging her after we departed in Maitidevi.
The next incident that comes to my mind is the day when I saw drops of tears trickling down her cheeks. That moment made me realize that their tears are our greatest weaknesses. She looked so loving and tender. I even went to the extent of thinking if her tears were the results of my maltreatment towards her. Later the reason turned out to be otherwise. It was a day for me to cheer as I was not responsible in those horrendous instances.
The other day worth remembering is the one when I spent 3 continuous hours, which I might have done more than a couple of times, gossiping with her, being by her side and sharing my skills to complete a Typing which she was doing, thus helping her to finish it soon. We both shared many cracks in the process and the zeal was to the zenith. I remember me wearing her favorite black attire-a black shirt and she wearing my favorite orange colored kurta. The lonely environment never made us feel that we were unaccompanied rather let us liberated to freely express our thoughts.
One promising aspect of this lady is the way she behaves with others, which is really praiseworthy. Her calmness and her great sense of humor are few of her attributions. How can I forget K with a cup of tea, knocking at my door, smilingly bringing up the cup to me, sometimes even in my constant refusals? I sometimes felt as if being fallen in love with her and, I also constantly thought that it would be a horrendous crime to letting it go that way. But, I would not evade from the ground reality that I had a deep attraction with her, may not be physically but psychologically or spiritually. Someone has rightly said-Personality is to men as perfume is to flower. Her soothing personality highly outweighed her beauty. Unbelievable as it may sound, the very girl that was nothing more than a mere receptionist for me turned out to be a beautiful figure, may be that she taught me a lesson-it is not one’s beauty you ought to look for but other overall characters that count the most in the long run. When I compare K with my previous attraction, both may sound contrasting though the latter too was not that characterless but in her case, I was physically attracted. Nevertheless, K penetrated my psyche to quite a large extent, which very seldom occurs in my life. I may even go to the extent of depicting her as my ‘first love’ because I was psychologically manipulated, often being lost into her memories.
Another promising aspect of K was the way she was brought up. She is so bold and courageous that anyone in her company is compelled to meditate about the way he is leading his life. K is a girl staying far away from the company of parents, struggling to survive and at the same time taking care of the siblings including their upbringing, a daunting task for even a masculine muscle. What is captivating to know more is that she is striving for excellence amidst such hindrances, curbing all the obstacles on the way and sharing smiles no matter what lies inside. I still remember a day when she shared some of her palm sweating and spine tingling stories. The evening I reached my home after departing from her, I turned out tensed and fragile. She genuinely taught me a lesson that you got to be optimistic about your life even though tsunamis may strike you time and again. Life, as a matter of fact, is not always the warm and mellow tones of the cello. The real test lies in the way one handles the hindrances and failures. Being unsuccessful is not a curse but a pathway to lead you towards several successes.
One good thing about me to take pride of is the way I influenced her life. My delight often escalates when she credits me for bringing gladness to her shattered and traumatized life- if I quote her own words. When she smiles with all the flexing muscles, my happiness knows no bounds. We both tease each other blaming the other as if to have been fallen in love with one another. It is also her voice that is noteworthy these days. She speaks in such a mellifluous and soft tone, even the hardest of hearts get melted down in its glory. Her walk is also mesmerizing. She often used to stumble while walking, thanks to her difficult sandals. She used to hold me whenever she was about to fall, strengthening the bond of friendship. I can’t forget one of her peculiar habits of looking at the saris displayed among shops and driving herself into the fanatical thoughts of wearing the same-a typical womanly character.
One of the greatest impressions I had of her is the day when I was interacting with a G4S Guard who was among those learning Korean Languages. The man was an unutterable bore for, he used to talk perennially for hours no matter his partner is interested or not. When that man asked permission from K to take her photo, K gestured me saying that he ought to seek permission from me- a thing that profoundly impressed me. Next thing I remember is the harassment and insults I used to shower upon her, but in a jokingly manner. She often asked me what I liked about her. In the initial days, I replied saying that nothing in her impresses me, eventually turning her face gloomy. Gradually, I started praising her smile, her character, the kurta she wore, her eyes and whatever I thought was worth flattering. I could sense happiness unfolding and blossoming from deep within her.
I can never forget the song “O Carol!” in my eternal journey of life. Whenever that song penetrates my sense organs, K would occupy my breath. I would then bury myself into those melancholic and nostalgic moments. The smoothness of her hands and greatness of her soul would keep on reminding me of that ugly angel! No matter how hard I try, her memories would keep on striking my mind like a blacksmith’s hammer, reshaping my thoughts. Dhading would be a place I would love to visit whenever I get a chance to do so. Our future relationship, no matter in any form, is uncertain like the westerly winds but the relationship my heart has with her is eternal. Sorry K! I might have already hinted you that I am quite unkind when it comes to maintaining relationships. But, I promise, and I swear by God that your happiness would be my lifetime ambition among others. Your approach to the success would be a matter for me to bring delights to my face. I know, the God has been cruel to you quite a many times but don’t worry dear, every cloud has a silver lining. May be that he wants all your sadness disappear at once so as to keep you fresh and ecstatic all the years around.
I still remember a Tuesday when she had observed fasting like other normal Tuesdays. To my astonishment, she had made her way to the office wearing lip stick which I had never seen before. She was blushing in shame, hiding herself from me. I couldn’t stop myself flattering her for her unique get up. Nevertheless, I could sense a feeling within me, personifying her look as a “Behuli”, not necessarily mine though. I still remember those humorous moments when I kept turning my eyes at her lips time and again, compelling her to hide them away from my sight, while heading home after the office was over. There is yet another unforgettable story involving lips. I had told her that I don’t admire ladies wearing extra dark lipstick. In her query about my divergence from that peculiar character of them, I had told her that it would disturb the guys while kissing. I still remember the incident that compelled her to burst into helpless giggles. One thing that induces me to exaggerate my character, at this point of time, is the fact that I never took advantage of her simplicity and frankness though it was as easy as a pie for me do so, considering the openness we had. I used to go vulgar sometimes, but never characterized that habit as my profession and neither made her feel awkward, for I always believe in my outspokenness. The vulgarity always aimed at making those moments stupendous and awesomely noteworthy, not inducing her to think the way or act in the either way. If such few embarrassing moments can make the journey notable, there is a great sense of sanity in leaving no stones unturned, acting humorously. As long as one has an unwavering determination about his crystalline character, one need not necessarily follow the same old honest path. I believe in moving with the breeze of current and in its direction too showing it an immense sense of respect.
K often credits me for manipulating her life. I often advised her to live up to her expectations and for herself. I had sensed that she often spent her time in other’s memory unnecessarily rather focusing her own well-being. It was a marvel for me to divert her thinking into her own prosperity. I also taught her to cherish every moments making pomp and ceremony of every enjoyable seconds. I told her to move her life forward gaily and briskly, rather entangling in fabric of sadness and guilt. It is not the relationships that count in the long run. It is those lessons that one learns not necessarily through bookish knowledge but through experiences through a stupid like me. There are 23 hours and 55 minutes for one to think about his carrier or for his life. One’s greatness lies in the fact that how sensibly he passes that 5 minute because the latter is enough to ruin the former, leaving no room to repent later. I advised her to look for that particular 5 minutes of time.
Girls need more and sometimes even unnecessary care and attention. This came true to my life at the day of “Holi”. I had a great time out there at Putalisadak at the eve. The same day, she was complaining of stomach ache. She was expecting, from me, few words of consolation and careful sight to her condition. Thanks to my peculiar- arrogant as it may be called- character, I left her in the state, at her room and went out to play Holi with other colleagues, for I didn’t think it to be generous for me to unnecessarily pass my time hovering around her rather enjoying the day with my friends. She was later complaining that I left her in that condition and questioned about my loyalty towards her as a friend, a true friend. I could understand the she needed company at that time of angst but I didn’t think it sane enough to express my manhood at the wrong time and at the wrong place because other colleagues would watch my personality and I never wanted anyone to question my character involving a lady, dying anytime to lick their complexion and their state of feminism. I still have the same character.
One thing that I can never forget is her continuous, never ending look upon me that I noticed more than a couple of times. She often made me feel awkward as I couldn’t response her behavior with the same unfocused gaze. When I shouted “K herya?” her response would be “Hann..! Oh..”. What was that perennial focus into my eyes for? May be that I was her good friend! The other thing-We used to depart at Maitidevi Chowk. The road till this Chowk was filled with humor mingled with laughter and several amusing moments. Upon arriving at this “Death Zone”, neither she wanted to depart from me neither did I willfully left her. This sense of eternal bond could be sensed in both of our eyes. Sometimes we both laughed at this feeling and the journey ahead for me was paved with lonesomeness and solitude.
The later part of the days, especially the last day at the office couldn’t turn memorable. I used to rush towards my home, leaving her alone without any reason. The time I bade her Goodbye, she used to exclaim in astonishment-“Are you going?” “Yes” would be my reply and the story was over. Later she was misinterpreting that indifference of mine sensing that I had love with Sabbu- a terrible logic I thought from her. She often used to pair myself with Sabbu as my lover and I also left no stones unturned to exaggerate Sabbu’s character and her beauty, injecting projectiles of jealousy within her. I must confess that I was being quite rude in my ambition to make a girl-at this case K- crazy in my company and leave her completely, unharmed though, before the drama reaches the zenith. It later compelled me to think whether I myself became the victim of my arrogance and entangled myself into the web aimed to capture someone else but thankfully K has been a history for me now, felt only among pages of books, not living enough to feel its presence.
