Living Corpse

I was in a mood to write something today at around 4:30 AM in the morning after I finished reading my usual paper. The desperation soon faded away with the indispensability to wake up early to go for day's work. Yet again, my eyes gazed upon the sight of a mentally retarded man tied to his limbs and body by ropes. He was yelling in vain, unable to express his anxiety leading him to pass every seconds as nightmares. Here I remember a famous quote that had made a remark on me-'A day, an hour of virtuous liberty is worth an eternity in bondage'. For the man, liberty would be a far cry, the thing he would probably receive on his final breath.

I sometimes question the age old traditions, beliefs and practices that have rooted our mentality. Here I remember the country-Switzerland which sometimes comes to the limelight for suicide tourism. Terminally ill persons, those leading a hellish life in despair and pain, waiting the death bell to strike their door, have the right to take their lives through the consent of their family here. Why cant other countries practice the same? It is worth dying than being a living dead. The person I am speaking of is burden not only for himself, but the traumatic life his family members might be undergoing in his care is unimaginable. There should be an instrument that allows the peaceful death of such ill-fated humans as per the wish of them or their families.

There have been many cases of people living their lives throughout in extreme pain. It is a torture for them or better say, a crime against humanity, the criminals being the lawmakers. I have heard many such people who want to escape from this cruelty of survival owing to their desperation to ease themselves out. Laws need to be enforced that allows the wilful death of such patients rather leaving them entangled among uncertainties, desolation and hopelessness.

Friendship

For me, life is all about working, studying and surfing. Sometimes, I question myself if I am enjoying the monotony of confining myself amongst these routine schedules. Most of the times, I get the answer 'Yes'. Boring as it may sound, as a matter of fact, I am not at all disgruntled with myself, for having to rip myself off from enjoying the indispensabilities of this material world. For me, outings, excursions and get togethers come once in a blue moon. But, whenever I get a chance, I leave no stones unturned to enjoy the rare but marvellous moment to the fullest. I can mingle with most of the situations with exceptions apart.

I can anticipate the need of friends both in dire circumstances and happy moments. Friendship multiplies our happiness and divides sorrows- the phrase buried deep down into my psyche since childhood. But, it is outrageous that I am unfaithful when it comes to maintaining friendship. Friends admire me for my innocence, helpful nature and cheerful attitude. They want my companionship not only for today but for days and years to come. But, it is my horrendous nature that isolates me to occupy myself in my own world. I need to open up myself, to nullify my isolation and dare to nip all my evil attitudes into the bud.

When it comes to friendship, I cant forget some of the companionship I am having with those wide souls-wide enough to occupy a guy like me. The visits with them are few and far between, but the closeness is selfless and intense. I would be anticipating to broaden my horizon maintaining friendship with more and more friends in days to come.

Obsession

Obsession is what makes people crazy about. Its good to be obsessed with the reasonable things but what if the fascination is associated with unrighteous deeds? I often hear people reluctant to leave their age old habits reckoning them as being indispensably important to their lives. Smoking and drinking are few of their attributions. But, why was I never obsessed to anything?

I have tried quite a few things in life but never got obsessed with them. I never denied my friends' request to share a puff for, I wanted to mingle with them, to prevent myself being alienated. I even went to the extent of buying cigarettes to ease the pain when life seemed hard and treacherous. This never happened but once while in plus two. May be that my faint heartedness played a part to escape from such an obsession. I tried beers, wines, vodkas, whiskeys everything. I cant forget an incident when the overdose of cocktail made me so wobbly that my eyes were having a tough time focussing on things and I ended up vomiting everything. But, again drinking and smoking have been like the occasional flash-floods: needing to wait for a whole season to come back.

Many men get obsessed with girls. They find it hard, if not impossible, to distance themselves from their shadows. It is understandably reasonable or inevitable considering the feelings associated. I have experienced both love and infatuations. Infatuations occurred a seldom times but love happened just a couple of times. The feeling of being in love was indescribably fascinating. The sweet memory of the time passed together made myself disappear in its aura, burying myself amongst her sweet memories. I could think nothing but finding the ways of making her the happiest among all, prosperous and dignified, to try making her proud of being my girl. But, yet again: that didn't last long. Deliberately, accidental or unpremeditated: the circumstances that led to the conclusion were beyond one's control. Neither she was obsessed nor I was obsessed with her. Nevertheless, the ripped off relation did harm neither to her, nor me.

Testing Times

Just read a news story on the Times about a Heitian girl being rescued from rubble from astounding 15 days of burial underneath her collapsed building. Her picture reflected an amalgamation of joy and ecstasy overshadowed by her lifeless body barely strong enough to blink her eyes. I could not stop myself but wonder how she could bear the burnt of the devastation of such an unimaginable scale. Faith, self-confidence and an immense will to survive might be the reasons that made her survive. Its vague to imagine the vastness of her thoughts during the period. Darkness, extreme pain, uncertainty of existence..even the masculine muscle would find it despairingly painful simply to think of, not to mention the experience.

I would like to compare here my fate with that of millions of starving stomachs, thousands of amputated limbs, millions of miseries. We people always grumble and complain about inferiority and feel disadvantaged to a number of spheres of life. We go to temples only to make our divines listen to our woes but forget the pain of millions. We have become so selfish and self absorbed to our lives that we care none but ourselves. Our eyes enjoys the sight of irrelevant things but doesn't bother to stare and think of the shrunken body of a starving child.

I can remember at least a couple of incidents when I could sense trickle of tears roll down my spirit. I can remember an old man carrying a huge sack of vegetables twisting and tumbling on the way. I remember a blind man walking along the lanes as a vendor selling scented sticks. I think of those number of porters with torn and dirty but glorious looking typical Nepali caps, waiting in vain for potential customers, far from their families. I am not glorifying myself expressing my judgemental thoughts, but can at least pride in feeling their anxieties within. People today have no time just even to think of their anguish and wretchedness. They think it is the outcome of destiny, the fate being written in advance. One is not born affluent or miserable. Some enjoy the competitive advantage while others are helpless to shape their stumbling paths. Lets think as a rational human being.

Enigma

Enigma- mystery, riddle, puzzle...this is what I thought my blog's ideal name would be. Unprecedented as it may sound...astonishing as one may feel...I happened to create it from the middle of nowhere..I still remember those lonesome days in office striving to pass my time out when it hanged heavy on me...it came into my psyche to do something creative..something that would make myself pleasantly surprised of my own creation- the outcome of my dint of hard labour..but the usual habit of procrastination made me think of doing it the other day which never came but today..

I want to keep my blog as my personal diary..I would not bother unscrupulous trespassing though. I want to draw the line of my destiny myself, to try to judge fairly the contributions I make towards shovelling my ungodly habits if existent, reckoning it from a broader perspective. Fanatic as I may sound, extremist as my thoughts tend to be, but I would rather call it my thoughtfulness rather arrogance. I have climbed the zenith due to sheer perseverance of myself, my nature of doggedness and unwavering determination to succeed. I have faced palm sweating and spine tingling failures and misfortunes also due to my own ill judgement and ignorance. I would thus rather call myself the author of my own creation- the best judge being myself. I would proceed further myself..as long as my limbs continue functioning and the blood continues rushing through my veins..

I would like to thank one of my friends here who inspired me to start blogging among my hectic schedules..Writing has always been my boyhood passion and a favourite passtime. Introvert and timid as I am, I love to express my feelings playing through words rather expressing through voice. For me, words speak louder than actions as opposed to the general conception. Misconception as it may sound, but I would love to do something comfortable to me rather going against my nature, faltering on the way. Good luck to me.